Today is a new day. I have choices to make. I can choose to be determined and successful and confident. Or I can choose to let today run me down. Further down.
I'm going to try for choice 'A'. I'm tired and I want work to be over so I can get started on my 3 day weekend. And I wish I didn't have a show tonight. But I am going to maintain my cool. And smile. And please people. And do everything I do to the best of my ability. That's all anyone can ask for, right?
Damn... I want a frozen Starbucks lemonade. I wonder if I can settle for less.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Promises, promises...
Sometimes, I feel like a lost cause. A thing of great potential, but no follow through. I believe that you have to be able to make a vow to yourself, and mean it, before you can promise anything to anyone else in your life. I'm not very good at this. I've never been a big winner with will-power and I certainly like to dream big. The two are not a good match, are they?
So, at some point I need to make that mental or emotional switch. To be true to myself not matter what. No matter what obstacles are thrown my way. There will be many. I'm not ready to make that promise now. But I want to believe that one day I will be. I can accept that there are lots of things to learn. I don't believe I know how to be successful. And I feel this rush of pride and comfort in being able to admit that. I don't know everything.
Sometimes E is right. Ha, believe it or not. He's right, sometimes and sometimes it takes me a few days after an arguement to actually hear what he says. That's when I realize he's right. But at the same time, I realize I don't have to change overnight. Old habits die hard. People say that for a reason. My habits are so engrained, are so much a part of ME, I sometimes have doubts about being able to change them, and so I get defensive. But I'm not perfect. And niether are you. And niether is Natalie Portman. But we all strive to be something greater than ourselves. We want to grow every second.
I can start with that. I'll grow. A little.
So, at some point I need to make that mental or emotional switch. To be true to myself not matter what. No matter what obstacles are thrown my way. There will be many. I'm not ready to make that promise now. But I want to believe that one day I will be. I can accept that there are lots of things to learn. I don't believe I know how to be successful. And I feel this rush of pride and comfort in being able to admit that. I don't know everything.
Sometimes E is right. Ha, believe it or not. He's right, sometimes and sometimes it takes me a few days after an arguement to actually hear what he says. That's when I realize he's right. But at the same time, I realize I don't have to change overnight. Old habits die hard. People say that for a reason. My habits are so engrained, are so much a part of ME, I sometimes have doubts about being able to change them, and so I get defensive. But I'm not perfect. And niether are you. And niether is Natalie Portman. But we all strive to be something greater than ourselves. We want to grow every second.
I can start with that. I'll grow. A little.
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